Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Still dying that you shit outside
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
