Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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