I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
