How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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