A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
