The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
