All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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