I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
