I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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