The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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