I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
