Please don't use social media to get back at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
