I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
