i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
