Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
