you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
