U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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