she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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