she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
