Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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