i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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