i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
