We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
