i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
