I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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