If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
