I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
