It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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