Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
