JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
