Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
