wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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