You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
