I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
