Apparently you make a good broom.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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