Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
