why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
