Whod you bang
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
