between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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