I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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