YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't put those talents on a resume
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
