Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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