I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
