Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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