I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
