If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
