u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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