Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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