My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
