Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
