i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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