Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
