i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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