Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
