we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
