Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
